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From such humble beginnings, Las Vegas was born.

Episode 27: In which Zeus sends mixed messages to his mortal followers, and gambles that Hera isn’t paying attention (always a bad bet).

This episode of Real Housewives of Mt. Olympus brought to you by the latest archaeological news on – and by CLAS-C 387 Roman History.

[SETTING: Breakfast in the Palace of the Gods]

ZEUS, KING OF GODS AND PERPETUAL HORN-DOG: I saw you got back from Tuscany last night. How’s our sister Demeter?

HERA, GODDESS OF MARRIAGE AND ZEUS’ SISTER-WIFE-QUEEN (you read that right): She hates you.

ZEUS: Just because I sold our daughter off to Hades. That was ages ago! You sold our daughter off to Sleep so he would help you start a battle behind my back, and you don’t see me holding a grudge.

HERA: I don’t see you holding anything that doesn’t have a good figure. By the way, you know those underground cities you thought were secret hideouts for Jews and Christians? Well, turns out our believers used them too. I ran into Aphrodite on my way home, and she was going on about a cache of gaming pieces that mortals found in a tunnel network in Judea. Apparently there were goat knuckles inscribed with her name and mine too.

ZEUS: How’s Aphrodite?

HERA: She hates me. Anyway, the mortals think the pieces were used in rituals to determine our divine will.

Are you sure all this is necessary to use an Ouija board?

ZEUS: Why in the world do mortals think we communicate with them through random chance or natural signs? Goat knuckles? What a stupid idea. If I want to say something to someone, I’ll say it directly. And with lightning.

HERA: Oh yes, Mr. “I think undeclared-barnyard-animal-cosplay is a legitimate means of seduction.” You’re a real straight shooter. I was thinking, since you are so intrigued by this part of the mortal world, you and I could go visit. Say, this afternoon?

ZEUS: (shifting in his throne uncomfortably) This afternoon? This afternoon’s not great, I think I have to smite Sparta…

HERA: This afternoon is the Feast of the Nymphs in Athens, I don’t suppose that might be keeping you?

ZEUS: What? No! Never! I didn’t even know about it. Absolutely, let’s go explore some tunnels in Judea together.

HERMES, GOD OF LOWER LEARNING AND GENERAL PAIN IN THE….: (bursting in) Hey, Dad, we gotta get going, the ladies are already lining up!

ZEUS: Not great timing, Son.

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To explore Roman religious practices, from the monumental to the mundane, enroll in CLAS-C 102 Ancient Roman Culture, coming up Spring 2024, and earn GEC credits while you’re at it!. Or for more exploits of the Greek gods, and how their myths shaped Ancient Greek and modern societies, enroll in CLAS-C 205 Classical Mythology, coming up Fall 2023 for GEC credits. While you’re waiting, be sure to check in on the continued breakfast banter of Zeus and Hera. Can’t get enough of Ancient Greece and Rome? Earn a Classics Minor in just 15 credits!