The Ancient Roman version of the Mandalorian, shown here *still* doing swords wrong.
Wow. As our loyal readers know, a few months back the trailer for Gladiator II dropped, and I blogged about how it was sorta confusing and all over the place. Apparently, the promotion machine for the movie read that post and said “Hold my non-diluted-wine-we-aren’t-wimpy-Greeks-here.” Because a new trailer for Gladiator II has just been released, and it is bonkers.
As is now tradition, below I try to anticipate and answer questions that you might have after watching the new trailer. Or I just ask questions that I had after watching the new trailer. And I have a lot.
Q: Did Paul Mescal just scream at an enraged monkey?
Um, yes, I believe he did, and I have no idea why. Screaming at monkeys was…not a thing in Ancient Rome, so far as I know. Having monkeys as pets was a thing. But screaming at them?
Q: Why is the monkey so angry? Can it see how stupid its own CGI looks?
Seriously, I have no idea what is going on here. Maybe Paul Mescal’s character killed the monkey’s family, and the monkey is out for revenge in the amphitheater. Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe this is a Gladiator + Planet of the Apes Cinematic Universe crossover. I would watch that. Or maybe it’s an attempt at subliminal messaging to make Gladiator II and Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes into this summer’s Barbenheimer. I would watch that too. I would also watch a version of The Manchurian Candidate where the candidate is either a gladiator and/or a monkey.
Q: Wait, in the last post you said that Paul Mescal’s character Lucius was the son of Lucius Verus. Now Lucius’ mother Lucilla is saying his father was named Maximus. What gives?
I don’t know. What I do know is that, in the original Gladiator, it is strongly implied that Russell Crowe’s Maximus and Connie Nielsen’s Lucilla were a thing back in the day, but also that he hasn’t seen her since her marriage, which presumably predates her pregnancy. Also the actor that played little Lucius did not look like he was the genetic product of Lucilla and Maximus, or really anyone with dark hair. So basically this revelation comes out of nowhere.
Q: Wait, who is this dude? Is there yet another character in this thing?
This one I may have a guess. One of the less-than-great features of the original Gladiator is that Djimon Hounson’s character Juba could be seen as an example of the “magical Negro” trope, where a non-white character exists solely to support and spout vaguely mystical wisdom at the white hero. Now, perhaps this dude here in Gladiator II—IMDB tells me his name is “Ravi”—has a fully developed, independent character arc that has nothing to do with advancing Lucius’ quest for glory or monkey revenge or whathaveyou, and the scene in the trailer just happens to be one where Ravi takes some time out to question Lucius about the afterlife and fate. But I doubt it.
Q: While we’re on the subject…is it perhaps distasteful to have Denzel Washington, a Black man clearly playing a power-mad character, slamming down coins and snarling things like “I own you now” to Paul Mescal, a white man clearly playing a freedom-fighting hero? You know, given the history of racial slavery in America?
I mean, it’s a choice. I haven’t seen this movie, I haven’t seen the broader context of these scenes, and I don’t think Denzel Washington is anyone’s fool. But I have seen quite a few blockbuster movies set in the Classical world, and I will say that many of them handle sensitive topics like race relations with all the deftness and subtlety of a Roman battering ram (Looking at you, Pompeii. And Gladiator. And The Eagle. And…). But who knows. Maybe we all will be pleasantly surprised, and Gladiator II will prove to be a thoughtful investigation of our common humanity across racial divides. You know, but with screaming monkeys. Also Denzel Washington apparently was in a re-make of The Manchurian Candidate? So there’s that.
Q: What is up with Denzel’s delivery of the line “To restore order I must have power”? Is this scene a Roman Senate rap battle like in Hamilton?
Oh by Hercules, I hope so.
