The Greek theory of the celestial spheres would prove surprisingly accurate, and surprisingly chic.
Episode 13: In which Minerva realizes Roma doesn’t care about Egypt, and Mars prepares to invade France and maybe Abu Dhabi, either one.
This episode of Real Housewives of Mt. Olympus brought to you by the latest archaeological news on BBC.com – and by CLAS-A 301 Classical Archaeology.
MINERVA, ROMAN GODDESS OF STRATEGY: What have you two been doing? I’ve been looking all over for you guys.
MARS, ROMAN GOD OF WAR: We’re just hanging around, pillaging villages, throwing spears at things, the usual.
ROMA, GODDESS OF ROME: Why, what’s up?
MINERVA: Have you guys seen the news? A bunch of muckety-mucks in the Louvre Museum in France are in serious legal trouble for selling stolen antiquities to the Louvre Abu Dhabi!
Waterworld Louvre Abu Dhabi was considerably more classy than the Hollywood original.
MARS: So?
MINERVA: I mean, I assumed you guys would be all over this. You were just talking about invading California and Minnesota because of this sort of thing. Roma, you have a new museum just for recovering stolen artifacts! This Louvre case shows you don’t need to invade something to repatriate your cultural heritage. The legal system will work.
ROMA: Hm, my stolen-treasures-sense hasn’t been tingling. Are you sure these are Roman treasures?
MINERVA: Actually, I think the artifacts are from Egypt.
ROMA: Oh, I don’t care then.
In retrospect, the Louvre wasn’t being exactly subtle with its foreshadowing.
MINERVA: Wait, why not?
ROMA: I’m the personification of the city of Rome. At best I extend to the larger Roman Empire. Egyptian stuff is not my problem.
MINERVA: I thought you were a champion of returning trafficked artifacts!
ROMA: How you got that from “I want my stuff back,” I have no idea.
MARS: If we’re going to invade someplace over this, I would prefer France. We really kicked Gaulish bum there. Abu Dhabi is in the desert, that’s not really our military forte.
MINERVA: The whole point is that we don’t have to invade anyone! The legal system will slowly grind forward, and over a series of decades someone will probably be prosecuted over something!
MARS: And what will that accomplish?
MINERVA: I assume it will deter future bad actors. Like the organized criminal gangs who trafficked the goods through their Louvre connections.
ROMA: Does the threat of legal action often deter organized criminal gangs?
MINERVA (thinking, putting on helmet, reaching for her spear): Which way is France?
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Be sure to check in on the continued repatriation adventures of Minerva, Mars, and Roma. To explore the politics of returning artifacts across international borders, enroll in CLAS-A 301 Classical Archaeology, coming again Fall 2026, no pre-reqs or previous experience required. Or for more exploits of the Roman gods, and how their myths shaped Ancient Greek and modern societies, enroll in CLAS-C 205 Classical Mythology, coming up Spring 2025, and earn GEC credits while you’re at it. Can’t get enough of Ancient Greece and Rome? Earn a Classics Minor in just 15 credits!
